I am ashamed to say that I have not picked up my camera since my last post. I think I've built up a huge mental block since my last shoot. I'm worried about messing up a precious moment with sloppy camera work and so the pressure of shooting something 'good' has prevented me from continuing. That and I haven't really been able to resolve some of the issues that have come up.
I am meeting with the girls today because I figure they are probably the people who can best help me troubleshoot. I hope for their advice on what the focus of my film should be: what is important to them and how I should try to understand those things. I'm also thinking that maybe I should just be more explicit in my questions for them, and how I hope for them to help me answer them. I feel at this point that there is an understated feeling of respect and trust, and I shouldn't feel guilty or abusive to capitalize on it.
I also realized my story isn't about connect and disconnect. It's more about how a language barrier can really change ones self perception and identity. So I'm wondering if perhaps I should also try to capture how my identity has transformed in front of them too. My parents are coming for a few days soon, and I'm hoping to film their interactions. Maybe I'll use it, maybe I won't.
I'm also going to try several shooting styles. At first I was afraid to do this in case two important clips lacked stylistic synchronicity and I would have to sacrifice one, or maybe even both. This is why I will probably end up shooting the same things over and over again, just in many ways. I'm also thinking of passing the camera around when we are sitting together. As Ty mentioned in a comment to my last post (thanks for responding!), we often used filming style to distinguish 'shot ownership', and I want to blur those lines. I want to do this because when we speak to each other it is often impossible to claim 'identity'. When one person speaks, their thoughts cater to what the other can understand. So does that statement really belong to the speaker if the receiver of the statement controls what is being said?
Wish me luck. I am thinking of you all and it is very exciting. Because I cannot imagine the places you are in, I see you as exhilarated camera people happily trotting along an ambiguous dirt road with ginormous camera bags strapped to your backs.
E, that last sentence is too cute. I feel a lot of pressure picking up the camera too but then think to myself, I should have 20ish hours and only need 20 good minutes! Seems very do-able. (That is, until I read Julia's post abt 30hrs and that's considering she has strong conceptual and shooting focus. But anyway...)
ReplyDeleteI think your idea of letting the girls talk about what's important to them is a good approach (and I've thought the same for my piece) but I am finding that it's too vague to get us anywhere. People want me to ask direct questions. So maybe you can prepare a bunch and then see what grows out of the convo. I wouldn't be afraid to be explicit, unless you find the strategy ends with concise responses just to your ques.
I really like your insight abt the blurriness of bounded identity and the necessarily intersubjective (to fall back on anthro lingo) nature of encounters. Passing the camera around and capturing your own transformations sound like good plans. Given that you seem to still have a gaggle of community ppl around when you try to shoot w/ the girls, how do you think that strategy will affect the camera's capacity to function the way you want it to? Will ppl feel jealous that these girls get so much attention? How do they behave with friends?
I'm sure you're already mulling lots of this stuff over. Good luck!
ATN
Elisa,
ReplyDeleteyour insights never cease to astound me! I think this idea is really interesting but I am wondering how you might convey this "transformation"? will you use a voiceover? If so, (as someone else suggested) keeping a journal of your thoughts seems like more than necessary!
Good luck and have fun with your experimentations!
julia
How did your talk with the girls go? And how radically different are your shooting styles? (I’m starting to think maintaining a single aesthetic approach isn’t really necessary.) By shooting in different styles, are you trying on different shoes to see which fits, or do different situations mandate different aesthetic approaches?
ReplyDeleteLike Anh-Thu, I’ve got a mantra: if it really, truly, deeply sucks, I can film over it later, or at least log it as “UNUSABLE.” It’d be easy to say that precious moments will be missed regardless if you don’t shoot at all, but I know how daunting it can be... I’m a notorious procrastinator (esp. with papers); I always end up working at the last minute, because the time pressure finally outweighs the self-induced pressure to make something awesome. The “all-nighter” approach wouldn’t really work here, though! My advice (if you’re seeking advice) would be to always set up the camera and have it ready to go (tape cued, mic attached, levels set) whenever you move to a new space, regardless of whether you intend to shoot or not. Taking out the camera can really be half the battle… if it’s on hand ready to go, you’ll be more likely to shoot because it’s convenient (and if you don’t, ain’t no thang), and you can always grab it quickly if something precious does come up.
However you end up finding solutions, I know you'll find them! You can do it!